Puns

For coming to this page, you will now be punnished.

Don't worry, these are the puns I've said in various places that I remembered to actually write down.

Paragraph's for fun
but it's indeed not a pun.
It's just a haiku.

Be careful scrolling, as someone might make pun of you for it!

[ New puns are added at the bottom of the list. None of them are timestamped. ]

• After going to a doctor for shoulder pain, the doctor kept on insisting the pain is because I dislocated it. I said "How can that be? I know I can locate my shoulder just fine. It's right here-ow."

• There is a posted notice that I read earlier today that said "No puns allowed". It didn't say anything about joking, satirical novel and short story writing, or thinking of silly sketches yet, so it must be a sign of the times.

• I was at a local liquor store that is strict about ID checking, and the cashier asked me "can I see your card?" I responded: "No thanks, I'll be paying with cash."

• It's dangerous to consume digital content, especially if you byte off more than you can chew.

• Buying a portable Bluetooth speaker and setting it to "pair" mode in a city center makes it a public speaker.

• The web just seemed less interconnected after the start of the Hypotext Markup Language.

• I don't know of any cool lighting designs. The bulbs keep getting warm while in use.

• When Ocey was finished speaking, someone then said "I agree with Ocelot." I asked "as opposed to only a little?"

• Coming up with a pun, with no success, till your head hurts feels like a form of punnishment I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemies.

• Few people at the University of Akron know whether "ROOTONES" is the name of an A Capella group or a sysadmins' club.

• Some privacy activists have taken to unplugging any screens from computers before using them to avoid monitoring.

• The puns on this page used to be wrapped in <ul></ul> tags, but when I switched to paragraphs so the document would appear nicer on more browsers, they all got delisted.

• Printing the plans.odt file and wrapping the papers in a sheet of aluminum was not a good idea, since I ended up just foiling my plans.

• Do you climb out of the pit, or wait here for some software to appear? There may be some perls for those who wait to c what happens, lest some rusty and/or cloudy objects go down and cut you instead.

• After instructing a client to connect his computer to the Eduroam Wi-Fi network, he asked "but... shouldn't it be named for Akron?"

• When booting Windows 11 on my computer with two hard drives, a CD drive, and a diskette drive, it seemed that the OOBE wanted me to remove most of them and use one drive.

• It's easier to have my brother answer all addition problems I get, since the instructions always say to adam.

• What is the most common injury that occurs at undergraduate commencement ceremonies?

  First degree burns. Sometimes also second degree burns.

• To go along better with the "Latitude" laptop line, Dell should rebrand their business desktops to "Longitude".

• Gravity remains a downer for me.

• What kind of printer gets expensive fast?

  The paper-use ones.

• Why did the coworkers always send all of their mail during the drive home after work?

  It was post-office time.

• A co-worker came in to work with an illness. I said, "You can't come in sick! Our co-workers and customers might get a staff infection!"

• A hacker says to a cracker: "For fun, I sometimes like to go fishing." The somehow confused cracker responds: "I also like to go phishing."

• The multiple HTML and CSS design tricks really made her home page a site to behold.

• When testing out a GPS, it said "turn left on to Brown Street." But when I looked at the street, it was more of a dark grey.

• There was a new car in someone's normal parking spot, and I was asked: "do you think it could be a loaner?" I responded: "I don't think so. It's surrounded by many other cars."

• What do you call a short test on sodas?

  A pop quiz.

• I tried picking up a container of heavy whipping cream, but the carton seemed to be pretty light still.

• I tried to plan for a walk down the Akron portion of the Towpath Trail once, but gave up after realizing it would take too many steps.

• Flattened and folded sphagetti code may make dumpling code.

• How does an adjunct professor become a tenured professor?

  By teaching at his/her institution for a decade.

• I've been told by many people that I confuse the prefixes "dis" and "mis" frequently. Oh, how distaken they are.

• The other day, I installed IBM's UNIX operating system on to a QEMU-based virtual machine. All it did was leave the machine with some AIX.

• After I noticed Angel's name was misspelled as "Angle", I was able to get the typo squared away quickly.

• I've recently relocated my server tower to a shelf, so that I can say that it is shelf-hosted.

• The first time I went bowling, I didn't exactly have a strategy, but I think I got it pinned down now.

• I also didn't think bowling would have been fun, but we all had a ball.

• What happens when a social engineering cracker's computer burns up?

  A phish fry.

• After adding the pol notes, I became a pundit. The last time I did anything similar, it all began when I wrote "After going to a doctor for shoulder pain..."

• After the astronauts orbited around the planet for the 8th time, I announced that they have completed one successful orbyte.

• Despite the previous page changes, the <ul></ul> came back, relisting everything.

• Reworking my web site to XML made the documents ex-HTML.